With my (adopted) son, we kept his birth story simple at first, and elaborated bit by bit (on what we knew of his history) as he grew. We pray and give thanks to his ancestors and birth parents for bringing him to us- and light candles to his ancestral angels. Always have. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, and his birthday. It “normalizes”the conversation and helps to allow the space to share and explore. He has always asked questions when he’s been ready for answers.
Someday, I anticipate, he may want to investigate finding blood relatives, and I’ve always assured him, that if he wanted me to, I would help. Everyone has a story, and we get to become our own hero.
The three anecdotes you shared are encouraging! I’m glad to see adoptive parents asking better questions.
As adoptive parents, we definitely benefitted from having a good friend who was an adoptee, so when we unexpectedly fell into adopting tweens, we had a good sense of the complexity of these histories and stories.
Brilliant! I recently shared your book with my adoptive parents, and it was a hard, challenging read for them at times. I realized I had done so much work on my own, in therapy and otherwise that I neglected how my truth and healing was so deeply connected to them too. It's opened up something special, less like a wound but more like an old scar that we refused to acknowledge.
Such a great post. The way the truth is revealed is at the heart of every adoption story. In my case, my parents did it in such a way that I feel I've always known the truth. Nothing was hidden from me and even at a young age I was able to understand. My parents always found the right way and the right words.
Our daughter has always known her birth story (we were lucky to be at her birth). We are blessed that her birth family has wanted contact and it all has grown naturally. Our daughter's full-sibling, older brother by 3 years, has been flying up to stay a few weeks each summer since he was nine. It is so important to us that they have a bond especially as they grow older. We never want to deny our daughter her story even when it might be hard for us.
We always thought we were the ones that were being selfish by wanting a baby. We never kidded ourselves to think otherwise. In fact, we still tell people when they try and state that we somehow saved our daughter that it is nothing like that. We say no, we wanted to be parents and the Birth parents are the ones that bravely and unselfishly chose us to be that for their child. We know we are not typical but we try and change the narrative with others we come across.
With my (adopted) son, we kept his birth story simple at first, and elaborated bit by bit (on what we knew of his history) as he grew. We pray and give thanks to his ancestors and birth parents for bringing him to us- and light candles to his ancestral angels. Always have. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, and his birthday. It “normalizes”the conversation and helps to allow the space to share and explore. He has always asked questions when he’s been ready for answers.
Someday, I anticipate, he may want to investigate finding blood relatives, and I’ve always assured him, that if he wanted me to, I would help. Everyone has a story, and we get to become our own hero.
so wonderful!
The three anecdotes you shared are encouraging! I’m glad to see adoptive parents asking better questions.
As adoptive parents, we definitely benefitted from having a good friend who was an adoptee, so when we unexpectedly fell into adopting tweens, we had a good sense of the complexity of these histories and stories.
Brilliant! I recently shared your book with my adoptive parents, and it was a hard, challenging read for them at times. I realized I had done so much work on my own, in therapy and otherwise that I neglected how my truth and healing was so deeply connected to them too. It's opened up something special, less like a wound but more like an old scar that we refused to acknowledge.
Such a great post. The way the truth is revealed is at the heart of every adoption story. In my case, my parents did it in such a way that I feel I've always known the truth. Nothing was hidden from me and even at a young age I was able to understand. My parents always found the right way and the right words.
Our daughter has always known her birth story (we were lucky to be at her birth). We are blessed that her birth family has wanted contact and it all has grown naturally. Our daughter's full-sibling, older brother by 3 years, has been flying up to stay a few weeks each summer since he was nine. It is so important to us that they have a bond especially as they grow older. We never want to deny our daughter her story even when it might be hard for us.
We always thought we were the ones that were being selfish by wanting a baby. We never kidded ourselves to think otherwise. In fact, we still tell people when they try and state that we somehow saved our daughter that it is nothing like that. We say no, we wanted to be parents and the Birth parents are the ones that bravely and unselfishly chose us to be that for their child. We know we are not typical but we try and change the narrative with others we come across.